I remember last May, sitting at a party, thinking about how busy the fall was going to be for me. My days were going to be filled with driving, scheduling, working...really, I was planning on it being the busiest year of my life. But I was so excited; I was anticipating with great joy the adventure that lay before me. And so it began.
Then, completely without notice, everything changed. Not so much my outside world changed (although that was also part of the picture), but my inside world changed. The way I was looking at life took a drastic turn. My relationships were challenged, my purpose was challenged...my faith was challenged. And, once again, I'm confident in Whose hand my life rests; my absolute trust that His greater purpose is at work in my life has never changed. But I must admit, I feel numb; I feel weary. And I've become startlingly aware that I am alone...no one can truly feel my pain or disappointment. Others can empathize or sympathize, but at the end of the day, no one else can crawl into my skin; no one can see the deep recesses of my heart and mind. No one, that is, except the One who created those far away places of my heart and mind. He alone walks with me through desperate times, when it feels like waves are crashing into my soul; He alone is with me in the lonely moments, when I feel the emptiness close in on me in the dark. And He alone will rejoice with me when I have come to the other side and feel His presence like the warm sun on a cool autumn afternoon.
I am so thankful that God has been gracious to me, in surrounding me with friends and family who will journey with me and love me in spite of myself. But I am most thankful that I find my worth, my comfort, my joy, my life in the One who walked alone to a rugged cross and paid a price I never could, so that I would never walk alone.
"Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, Who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen." Jude 24-25
