I'm still here!

I've been feeling promptings lately to get back here and share a bit about what's been going on in my life over the last year...but it really needs to be more about the stirrings in my heart. To say things have been tumultuous would be an understatement.

Twenty months ago, we moved from Marshall to Dearborn...100 miles away, but it might as well have been a million.  Although I had spent 26 years in the Dearborn area, it felt like I was coming back to someplace I'd never really been before.  During my 14 years in central Michigan, I took an incredible journey in my faith, I worked as a homeschool mom in an unbelievable job, and I built some of the deepest relationships I've ever known. Upon arriving in 2012, I found myself living in the home in which I grew up (although my husband had made some incredible renovations) with no church home, no network of friends and no church.  I felt lost.  I knew that God had brought me to this place, but I hated it.  Two months, three months, six months passed...it took all I had to get out of bed each day; I spent time reading and praying, and pouring out my heart to God, but I felt distraught. I was surrounded by my family, but I felt so alone...so lost. My soul was anchored to Christ, but I felt moored in a dark, empty harbor.

Around the first of the year, I started looking for a part-time job, trying to find something with which to fill my days. I filled out some applications online and waited. A few weeks passed and I heard from two companies...a law firm 30 minutes from home that needed a part-time librarian in their law library and Panera Bread's non-profit café 5 minutes from my home that was hiring workers. I decided to take the job close to home, where I have become an ambassador of the mission of Panera Cares (which is to allow everyone to enjoy the Panera experience with dignity, regardless of their ability to pay). Five months later, I found the church I would call home; I now find myself helping lead worship and lead children's ministry.  I'm singing with two different choral groups (under the same amazing director) and am now heading into a supervising position at work. I love the people at church, my co-workers are wonderful and I thoroughly enjoy my singing. I stick closer to my family than ever and find that my dependence on Christ is indispensable; it appears there's a sunrise approaching in that once-desolate harbor. 

 

I realize now that I spent months grieving the loss of my life in central Michigan. I know I will always love those I left behind, but nothing will ever be the same. I know that, professionally, I left a gapping hole when I left; but when I had to leave my friends behind, it left a deep wound in my heart that has left a scar.  Day to day, I'm doing just fine; I'm finding my place in this world (in the words of Michael W. Smith). But I have moments when I feel that scar and the pain shoots its way back through my heart.  But I am finally making a new life here.  I am confident that God has placed me here, strategically, to do His work.  I still yearn to be molded by the Master's hands and I trust His skillful hands to create the vessel He can best use for His amazing glory!

"When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say...it is well, it is well with my soul."
- Horatio Spafford